I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
