If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
