Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
