So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
