Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
