So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
