We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
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he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
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Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.