I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.