I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
Cake is only good when you eat it
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.