I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
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She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
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i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.