hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
