elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
