I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
