It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
