Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
