i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
