he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
