Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
is wine microwaveable?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
