I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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