it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
