Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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