he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
