Only a mothe r could love this liver
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I enjoy the company of your penis
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