u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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