Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
