batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
