she was so not down for the gang bang
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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