my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
