That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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