you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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