I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
please come you make the beer taste better
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
