i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
