there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
