I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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