Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
