I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
