Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Someone came in the potted fern
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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