So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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