In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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