My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she told me i tasted like america
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Drunk is a universal language darling
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