I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
