Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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