Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
