I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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