You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
