She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
