Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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