dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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