Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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