the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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