I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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