You smell like stripper and shame
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Randomize
