I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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