No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
