dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
