Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
