Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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