dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
