Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
