Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
