I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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