Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize