Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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