I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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