I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I need to calm my uterus...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
