cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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