Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Randomize