last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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