Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
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Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
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Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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