So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
